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Politically Wrong: The Loser Laments

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Politically Wrong With Parker Wong

****THIS IS A WORK OF SATIRE: BUT ALL QUOTES ARE REAL****

The war against the tyrant Hillary Clinton has been lost, and Bernie Sanders, the loser, is now left beaten on the battle field. You have to admit though for a man in his 70’s he put up a good fight, but when you are waging a war against a witch you can’t expect her to play fairly.

The worst part of any competition or battle is the walk of shame that you experience on the way home after losing. People stop and stare, everyone gives you sympathy, the whispers from people around you as you walk by, it’s awful. The worst part of all is that look that people give you that seems to say “we know you’re not doing well, we are praying for you.” It can be very embarrassing.

Instead of making Bernie feel even more like a loser than he already does, we thought we would try to cheer him up. We got him out of his little state of depression and brought him into an interview about what his plans are now. 

WONG: Bernie… I’m very sorry for your loss…. but what would you like to say? Get it off your chest, what is it you want to say about your campaign Mr. Sanders.

SANDERS: “What my campaign is about is a political revolution – millions of people standing up and saying, enough is enough. Our government belongs to all of us, and not just the hand full of billionaires.”

WONG: Yet… you lost. So it seems that the majority of the public didn’t believe in your so called revolution. What do you have to say to all the people out there who are going to have to make a decision when election time comes around in November?

SANDERS: “Now is the time to alter our government. Now is the time to stop the movement toward oligarchy. Now is the time to create a government which represents all Americans and not just the 1%… No more excuses. We must all become involved in the political process.”

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WONG: Oh so you’re still fixated on this revolution that you believe you are starting? I see… Well, getting off the topic of your revolution, what do you think you did right in your campaign, that caused you to get this far?

SANDERS: “It’s better to show up than to give up.”

WONG: That is very true, I couldn’t agree with you more. What do you think about the remaining candidates? Do you think Trump and Clinton make good choices for our next President?

SANDERS: The greed of the billionaire class has got to end and we are going to end it for them.”

WONG: Okay, Mr. Sanders, please, can we let go of your campaign? It is over. You lost. We know you want this revolution but sometimes you have to let live and let God, you know?

It is important to note that at this time in the interview, Bernie Sanders started to cry… It was very embarrassing. After an hour or so, though, he was fine and was able to continue.

WONG: You know Mr. Sanders, a lot of people are curious, why did you decide to get into politics?

SANDERS: “A guy named Adolf Hitler won an election in 1932 … and 50 million people died as a result … what I learned as a little kid is that politics is, in fact, very important.”

WONG: That is a great reason to get into politics, Mr. Sanders. We know that you have talked about many policies while you were running, but what do you think of Trump and Clinton’s policies on war?

SANDERS: “If you can’t afford to take care of your? veterans , then don’t go to war.”

WONG: Now, I’m sorry but that is a little childish. What are we going to do? North Korea invades America, but we can’t pay for it so we just throw up our hands and say “oh, well, maybe next time?” I don’t think so.

I’m sorry to inform you that the rest of the interview was mysteriously deleted, but we are talking to the State Department to see if they know where it is. Of course, I’m kidding but if that excuse works for them it should work for us too right?

No, in all honesty, he just continued to talk about the revolution that he wanted to start, and it started to become pathetic. I mean, he started crying and watching a man in his 70’s cry is not a fun thing to do.

Mr. Sanders, we are sorry but in the words of Donald Trump, “you’re fired.” I’ve always wanted to say that, and if you don’t like that analogy how about this one: “Mr. Sanders you are the weakest link, goodbye.”

It was a good run, we know you had hopes of making a come back once Hillary was indicted but now that the State Department is going to take almost a century to search through her records that doesn’t seem very likely.

Parker Wong (born October 28th, 1983) is an American conservative political commentator. Has been and continues to be a part of many political organizations such as ACLU, Lions Club International, NRA, CSAmerica, as well as many others. Has been known to rally and advocate for and against LLCR, PRA, Grassroots Leadership, as well as many others. His brash tactics and straightforward temperament makes him well known in the political field. He now has turned to the internet to spread his views on politics and the way that America used to be, and should be.

 

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