Diary Of A Mad Black President: Friday, August 5th, 2016

****THIS IS SATIRE****

Dear Diary…

What’sup! Your boy B here, kickin’ back in the Yo'val Office playing videos games.

I like to hang out here. There’s a big sign on the door that says “B’s BOYS ONLY!” Michelle never pays attention to it and makes herself at home. It's as if she enjoys hanging out in Man Caves….

I let her though. I'm not messing with Michelle! Last week I watched her whoop my boy P-Ry’s ass over at Capitol Hill for not sticking to the deal we made for him to be Speaker of the House. I told him when he was spotting me in the gym, “Yo, P-Ry. I like you man, but you are slippin’ with this Trump thing.”

You see, we told him he could replace Bohener ONLY if he pulled everyone together over at Republican HQ and shut him down. Now Michelle is all mad because both Bill AND Hillary keep calling her asking why he’s the nominee. Seemingly he knows things about her that are giving her sleepless nights in her tomb. Well let me tell you, he got scared! We all know about the Clintons and how they deal with “problems.” We don’t have a White House Clinton Deadpool for nothing!

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Ah, what do I care. It’s not my problem anymore, well, not until January when I step aside for Hilar…I mean the candidate who will be “voted” into office. I say January, but who am I kidding. I’m pretty much winding down now.

In other news, the final countdown has started. It's almost the end of my reign as King Of The Islamic Sta…oh, ooops. I’m not supposed to tell you about that yet. Allah-Damn it! Okay, forget I said that. It’s out little secret. You understand? Say nothing. I’d hate to pass your name on to the Clintons…

It’s been a blast being Prez. I’ve been on TV, appeared in rap videos and even met the king and queen of Brooklyn, Jay Z and Beyonce. I asked them if we’d still be friends when I step down. They said only if I hold a BlackLifesMatter fundraiser in the Rose Garden. That’s easy! If I can allow one of my Brothers to lay out his mat and pray there, I can hold a block party!

The bad news is that this will be the last time I write to you Diary. I know, I know…I’ll miss you too. We have a thing, you and I. I’ve told you my deepest darkest secrets over the past 8 years and, unlike Crazy Uncle Joe, you actually listened rather than run a round the room pretending you’re a Rooster!

Could you imagine if anyone read you? I’d be in SO much trouble. Ahhhh, who am I kidding, I’d just have Loretta the Lyncher threaten her Directors again and call my friends in the press to cover it up. Wait a minute Diary. This may not be the end, but just a small break. Hillary promised me the Supreme Justice job and I’ll need to tell someone about the things I do there. What? You didn’t think I was letting her use AirForce One because I liked her, did you? Oh Diary….

Til’ we meet again…

Your Boy B…OUT!