Diary Of A Mad Black President: Monday, January 25th 2016

******THIS IS SATIRE******

Wharrup Diary!

B here. I’m sorry I haven’t written anything for a few weeks. Things have been cray cray here in Washington.
I got back from our winter vacation last week and got REALLY angry with my staff for them not doing their jobs properly. I even fired one on the spot. That will be the last time she forgets to record “Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve With Ryan Seacrest.”

A lot has happened since we last spoke. I laid the smack down with an executive gun order. Well, not really. I made a few changes that were so minimal, they’ll hardly be noticed. I don’t want to annoy all the gun owners who vote for me or will pay my speaking fee when I leave office. I just wanted to do enough to get the Republicans mad, but the rest of the country THINKING I was doing what they asked for. The truth is, it won’t and not one thing I did would have stopped any mass shootings that have happened.

What’s that diary? How didn’t they see through the smoke and mirrors? Well, I fake cried. Yes, you heard that right. I took some acting lessons from my good friends in Hollywood and, with the aid of some concentrated onion, BOOM…tears. Worked like a charm.

In other news, I had my last “State of the Union” address. It was strange having P-Ry sitting beside me instead of JB, but he laughed at my jokes just as much. He’d better! I gave him use of my Presidential Shower Room at the White House gym and told him I’d not be his spotter anymore when he’s bench-pressing.  As far as my speech went, it was the same as the rest of them. I made up a few “facts,” made fun of conservatives and told everyone I’d had blast as POTUS. The funny thing is, I’ve been winging it for almost eight years and they were all too stupid to see it.

Anyway, there are 11 months left. That’s plenty of time to do what I want here. I wonder if they’d let me paint the White House black? Meh, I’ll do it anyway!

Anyway, there are 11 months left. That’s plenty of time to do what I want here. I wonder if they’d let me paint the White House black? Meh, I’ll do it anyway!

Later skater!

Your Boy B