POLITICALLY WRONG WITH PARKER WONG
****THIS IS A SATIRE***
We all remember “Lyin’ Ted,” right? That guy, who kinda looked like a muppet who ran for president? Yeah, you remember. He went up against Donald Trump… remember? Anway, he’s back.
Don’t worry, not as a presidential candidate, but in politics. He’s continuing to be a Senator or Governor or whatever it is he is doing, in whatever state he is doing it in.
Yet we thought, that it had been plenty of time out of the limelight and we wanted to know how he is doing. How’s normal life treating him? What is it like going from presidential candidate to, whatever it is he is doing now?
So we flew out to him and convinced him to sit down with us and answer some questions.
WONG: Mr. Cruz… it has been a long time since we saw you, how have you been?
CRUZ: I’ve been doing great Parker, it touches me that you would take the time to ask.
WONG: That’s good to hear, so you’ve been out of the Presidential limelight now for awhile how does it feel? What have you been doing to fill your time?
CRUZ: It’s been very enlightening. I’ve realized that I wasn’t ready to be President. I mean, it’s a really hard job. Everyone is always mad at you and hurting your feelings with mean words. I don’t know if I could have handled that… What have I been doing to fill my time? Well…. if you want me to be honest, I’ve really gotten into sewing. I did one of those “Home Sweet Home” pieces for above our front door.
WONG: I’m glad to hear that you have been keeping busy…. I know you probably don’t want to talk about this but recently in the news you’ve been claiming that congressmen are secretly involved in terrorism? Care to explain that?
CRUZ: Parker… It’s been a dark time for me. The voices inside my head have been telling me secrets and I can’t ignore them anymore. I understand that Keith Ellison and Andre Carson were offended by my accusations… but I believe it. I can’t prove it. I have no evidence, but I feel it. I feel it in my bones.
WONG: Oh…. I see…. well…In a positive note, Commissioner Darryl Glenn continues to say that he thinks you belong in the Supreme Court. What are your thoughts on that? Would you ever consider the position?
CRUZ: I really like Darryl. He’s a good guy, and he has a kind of childlike friendliness in his dimples when he smiles. I like that. To be honest, I think I would be really good in the Supreme Court. I’d get to wear those adorable black robes, and hold the little gavel. I think that would be a lot of fun.
It was at this point in the interview that Ted’s wife had to come over and give him his milk, apparently, he always has to have warm milk before bed. It was a very interesting interview, but I must say, he certainly seems to be happy.
He did make our reporter Parker Wong, stay while he napped because he wanted to play Lincoln Logs with him. Unfortunately, he wasn’t really up to answer any more questions.
SEE RELATED – POLITICALLY WRONG: KONVERSING WITH KERRY
Parker Wong (born October 28th, 1983) is an American conservative political commentator. Has been and continues to be a part of many political organizations such as ACLU, Lions Club International, NRA, CSAmerica, as well as many others. Has been known to rally and advocate for and against LLCR, PRA, Grassroots Leadership, as well as many others. His brash tactics and straightforward temperament makes him well known in the political field. He now has turned to the internet to spread his views on politics and the way that America used to be, and should be.